Lucy Norman Traduttrice e Insegnante di Inglese
Teacher and Translator
Teacher and Translator
Ten Ways to Cure Hiccups
Note: all remedies have been clinically tested in a clinic by clinical people and are therefore clinically approved by the clinic. (For more information contact the clinic for a free £10 trial or alternatively leave your bank details and barcode number at the reception.)
Top ten cures:
1.Balance a bag of flour on the top of a door and wait for it to tell you the time.
2.Sing the news headlines to a full moon.
3.Wear an orange scharf whilst limbo dancing to the last ten pages of David Copperfield.
4.Come your hair backwards with a hand held vacuum cleaner.
5.Point a finger in the direction of the nearest forklift.
6.Paint the AA Road Atlas cover on your left nostril (only advised for chronic hiccup sufferers).
7.Listen to Val Doonican dressed as a giant bamboo leaf (both you and him).
8.Do an Irish jig around a telephone box, roaring whenever men in eighties-style leather jackets pass by.
9. Pour custard* over the nearest old lady.
10. Grate soap onto a vegetable patch whilst bellowing the Ten Commandments or if not available Noddy goes to Toytown.
*Note: never ever use custard with real eggs - you may be attacked by a chicken
Additional information: the clinic is open all day every day except Mondays to Sundays, and from ten in the morning to ten the next day, (post meridiem or according to the equator on that day). The clinic is open during all festivities except Christmas, Easter, Armageddon, Hogmanay, Great Haggis day and the rising of the potato festival from June to March of the year of our spaceman.
Top ten cures:
1.Balance a bag of flour on the top of a door and wait for it to tell you the time.
2.Sing the news headlines to a full moon.
3.Wear an orange scharf whilst limbo dancing to the last ten pages of David Copperfield.
4.Come your hair backwards with a hand held vacuum cleaner.
5.Point a finger in the direction of the nearest forklift.
6.Paint the AA Road Atlas cover on your left nostril (only advised for chronic hiccup sufferers).
7.Listen to Val Doonican dressed as a giant bamboo leaf (both you and him).
8.Do an Irish jig around a telephone box, roaring whenever men in eighties-style leather jackets pass by.
9. Pour custard* over the nearest old lady.
10. Grate soap onto a vegetable patch whilst bellowing the Ten Commandments or if not available Noddy goes to Toytown.
*Note: never ever use custard with real eggs - you may be attacked by a chicken
Additional information: the clinic is open all day every day except Mondays to Sundays, and from ten in the morning to ten the next day, (post meridiem or according to the equator on that day). The clinic is open during all festivities except Christmas, Easter, Armageddon, Hogmanay, Great Haggis day and the rising of the potato festival from June to March of the year of our spaceman.
